It's all hands on deck in the fantastical literary masterpiece about a pogo stick riding boy from queens and the strange old man who gave him some magic beans.

Actually, it's a piece of nonsense that I scrapped together as a Fantasy book model (ha!) for the Varsity writing group at the Variety Boys and Girls Club.  Today was my last day leading the older students in reading Harry Potter and writing creative fiction.  It was so fun to be able to structure the program exactly how I like it and keep the focus on the creative aspects of literature, rather than on the boring and daunting aspects that students must master in school.

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I'm SO HAPPY!

I'm so happy right now.  So, so, so happy.  It's over!  It is OVER.

Just knowing that they can't hurt me anymore sent me into fits of jumping and tears at JFK when I got the good news.  I have never in my life been so grateful.  God is good-He knew what I needed.  April was just the kick in the butt to take some action.

It is going to be GOOD, SO GOOD. I am so excited.  I feel refreshed and ready.

NO ONES GONNA BRING ME DOWWWWWWN!!!

Also, I made this on the plane for my fake farm.  Enjoy!

"You need to write a rebuttal!"

"You can kiss my rebuttal!"

Benito Catastrophe

Want to be a sleek online slag like Anthony Weiner?

Try this sexting name generator and you, too, can ruin your political career in a racist and creative way.

From now on, call me Benito Catastrophe.

XOXO

Benito ;*

Unrequited

I like to think I'm no slave to unrequited love; but that which exists between man and computer is not easily overcome.

Food Delivery

I have an issue.

Good delivery is a right owed to every individual in New York.  Not having to cook for oneself is a perk of living in an urban environment—a perk that is covered in the absurd rent cost of every apartment in every borough.

As Western Astorians, we have to pay the same climbing Astoria rent costs as the rest of the neighborhood, but without the benefit of good restaurant delivery.

And the ones willing to cross the dreaded 21st Street border will make you pay for it.

What exactly does this delivery charge cover?  Not gas—no one here drives.  Certainly not time.  We're still in the neighborhood.



Desperate for mexican delivery now that my zip code has me on the Homemade Taqueria blacklist, I decided to pay for Moe's.

The $5 delivery charge (plus food cost) for Moe's Southwestern Grill on Steinway Street included the following:

-3 tacos with missing guacamole and sour cream.
-A treasure hunt to FIND these tacos by digging ones hand to the bottom of chip bag.
-Utensil-free eating, despite the "save the planet" button not being checked on the order form.
-A soda that exploded (luckily this was a free gift from GrubHub's Yummy Rummy-thanks, guys!).

In the rest of the world, a one mile distance from a restaurant puts one well within a restaurant's delivery zone.  Not in New York.  If the apartment borders the water or is located on "the other side of the tracks," one can forget about good delivery.

A mile on a bike?  Come on.  That would take, like, five minutes!

Waiting for the rain

I, along with the rest of New York State, am waiting with bated breath for the rain to start.

When it does, I will put on my bathing suit.  I will do a rain dance.  I will shuffle the roaches out of my kitchen and let them know that the heatwave is no longer a sufficient excuse for their presence.

Then I will turn off my air conditioner, open a window and get a full night's rest.

That would be nice.

Bienvenidos!

In the meantime, enjoy this literary masterpiece:

Scott Smokes Pot A quality novel written for 11th Grade Health Class by Kristen E. Chaffee.